Dear Reader,

I’m very conflicted with the topic of what I will write my conference paper about, due to the requirement of the topic being “small”. However, I’ve come up with a few ideas I’m passionate about that I could maybe narrow down to write a detailed eight-page paper about.

First topic: Jazz. Jazz has always been something I’ve loved listening to in the background. It fills in the silence perfectly and sets the mood so that you can feel calm and at ease. Like the feeling of being in the present. But after reflecting on this topic, I’ve questioned something I never thought of before. Have I really ever listened to Jazz? Or has it just been something to fill in the silence? Lyrical music, on the other hand, has a different meaning to me. Every song holds a specific meaning to me, and a different emotion is invoked for every different song that plays. Different songs bring back specific times of my life and uncover that memory hidden. But what about Jazz? What meaning does it truly hold other than just filling in the silence and rocking me to sleep? In the end, Jazz is life. It doesn’t matter how passionate I am about it, or even if I only use it to fill in the silence, it is still an important tool for me and I rely on it almost every day. I love Jazz. And if this assignment allows me to learn more about something I’ve been exploring for a long time, then I’m all for it. The only problem is, the topic itself is too broad and I won’t be able to fit everything into a eight-page paper. Narrowing it down to specific Jazz artists, or even small subgenres of Jazz could help. Or maybe incorporating culture into it, like distinguishing Harlem Jazz from New Orleans Jazz?

Second topic: Food. Food has always been a big passion of mine. Growing up in Queens, I was surrounded by culture. Different local restaurants to try, and different cultures to explore. A Nepali restaurant is located right beside an Indian restaurant, and the cherry on top is the Mexican food truck in front of them. This shows the cultural melting pot of Queens, something any other place on earth could never achieve. Narrowing it down, I could write a paper about a specific dish either from my culture or my experience navigating other cultures.

I’m still open to discovering new ideas to write about. And these two are just some that I have brainstormed about in class. Maybe I could write about social media, but the important question to keep in mind is, “Is it small enough to fit an eight-page paper?”

Dear Reader,

Preparing for the in-class essay assignment went pretty smoothly. Knowing the prompts beforehand definitely helped, and it allowed me to prepare myself better. One thing I liked about this assignment was how I had the freedom to choose the story and prompt I would like to write about. The setting being in class put a lot of pressure on me, which is good. Hearing the sounds of typing and everyone being focused made me blend in with the environment. I don’t think I would’ve performed the same way being in my bedroom.

One thing that made this assignment different than what I did in high school was that everything was transparent and the subjects I was being tested for were presented to me. The timing was also a lot more lenient, which made me question whether high school testing was really about testing the student’s knowledge, or more on the student’s ability to concentrate and finish the test within the ridiculous timeframe. This made the testing experience go by a lot more smoothly for me, as I felt no pressure on “completing” the assignment, but just enough pressure for me to focus on crafting the best essay. I was able to prepare for my in-class literary assignment by creating an outline of the topics I would like to write about beforehand, which made everything feel a lot more organized at the time of the test.

Participating in the in-class discussion felt pretty disorganized. Something better my group (and the other groups) could’ve done was to establish the order of who speaks, instead of making the conversation go by the flow. I knew that some people had a lot of things they wanted to say, but were afraid to “cut off” someone who was speaking, or just simply not sure how they could insert themselves into the conversation. I also observed certain people speaking only once, and the rest of the conversation was led by just two people in the group. This could have been easily solved if the group had planned how to direct the conversation in a more organized manner in the future, which is also what I believe our group would’ve benefitted from. Other than that, every one put in a great amount of effort preparing for the discussion and engaging in the group discussion. The group discussion prepared me for the in-class essay because hearing everyone’s different opinions and different questions allowed my brain to think outside the box.

Regarding my writing for the future, I hope to get used to writing in environments beyond the classroom setting. I find that I have issues getting started on tasks when I’m in a comfortable environment, such as my home. I hope to find ways to “lock in” and just enter that “hyperfocus” mode more easily alone. For the past essay assignments I’ve written for the class, they were mostly done the day before it was due since the deadline was my only reason for getting started. Crafting the outline for my essays beforehand has always been helpful for me as I always have everything laid out and organized. I will continue crafting outlines and finding new techniques to help me improve my writing skills.

Excerpt From
Her Body and Other Parties
Carmen Maria Machado
This material may be protected by copyright.

Dear Reader,

The story of “Eight Bites” is a somber, complex story that goes over the issue of body image in today’s society, especially for women. The narrator, who appears to be fat, is someone who isn’t happy with their body due to societal expectations. Her mother isn’t the same way as she is, which makes her question why her body is the way it is. She grew up with strict expectations of maintaining a certain body shape, and this is seen through her mother only consuming eight bites which also explains the title of the story. After having a child, Cal, the child appears to be just like her mother. Fat. The narrator went through with the surgery to adjust herself to conform to societal standards and the definition of “pretty”. During this process, the only person who opposes this idea is her daughter, Cal.

The narrator doesn’t seem to be negatively affected by the surgery as much as her daughter. She feels proud of her journey until her daughter calls her and asks whether she hates her body to which she breaks down and hangs up. At this point, her daughter serves as a reminder of her former self and the way she used to view herself. It was truly upsetting for me to read this, as her daughter feels like her body isn’t worth loving after the person who gave her the body started getting surgery to change it. Was it all worth it? Is she truly happy after getting the surgery? She also encounters a ghostly figure in her home, a figure that is described as something in deep pain but hidden from everyone else but her. This figure serves as a reminder to the narrator of her old self, and how it will always follow her no matter what she does to change herself. It symbolizes the narrator’s guilt and regret that follows after the surgery, and that nothing is happiness and “pretty”.

The narrator, in Eight Bites, is someone who may be happy and pretty on the outside, but deep down, she experiences feelings of pain, regret, and guilt. Growing up, she had always been taught to put on a mask and conform to societal standards. It’s clear that there’s only one definition of “pretty”, and that is skinny. She may be a pretty girl on the outside now, but what about that true side of her that remains unresolved? It won’t ever return.

This image reflects a happy “perfect” woman in the mirror, who aligns with all societal expectations. However, deep down, she has some unresolved conflicts with herself. The broken mirror symbolizes how the old her, the true her, will never be able to return.

Dear Reader,

I was always passionate about mental health and taking care of myself. When this assignment was assigned, I immediately knew that I would write my topic about quitting social media.

I never was a social media user until my freshman year of high school. Seeing all those around me on platforms like Instagram or Snapchat made me want to join in on the action. I was tired of being the “odd one” for not having social media, so I decided to blend in with everyone else.

Quarantine came, and I became addicted to TikTok (like every other teenager). Every day was spent scrolling endlessly and every hour that went by felt like five minutes. When I met a friend, she brought up the idea of how social media is harmful to your mental health. Ever since that interaction, it changed me forever. I decided I was going to delete all my social media and start living in the real world, a world without the distractions of screen time and media.

It felt amazing. I was happier. I felt like I was living in the present moment. I wanted everyone else around me to experience this too, but unfortunately, not a lot listened. They were so used to the world of social media that living without it would just mean that they stared at the wall all day and night. Writing this Op-Ed allowed me to express all my strong opinions about deleting social media, and it felt nice to be able to get a topic I’ve been passionate about out to the world and my peers and older adults.

During the workshop, I was surprised that I didn’t receive much criticism for my writing. When I was reviewing my peers’ writings, I found myself giving a lot of critiques which made me feel a little bad. I told myself that it was a good thing and that I was only improving their writing. But it leaves me wondering, is my writing really that good or is it so that my peers don’t want to get too critical?

In the future, I want to make sure that I have a better flow in my essay. When I write, I notice that I usually just type everything that comes out of my head and so everything appears to be just all over the place. Maybe I should try handwriting? Could it be better than typing out your essay in a way that you can think about your topic clearly before putting it on paper?

This image reflects the addictive nature of social media. In a world of social media, everything may appear to be all happiness and perfection whereas entertainment is just a scroll away. To those who are already addicted to social media, what would the world be like if it just disappeared? Will they be able to ever return to the real world where information and entertainment don’t come to you as you wish?

Excerpt From
Her Body and Other Parties
Carmen Maria Machado
This material may be protected by copyright.

Dear Reader,

As I was reading Real Women Have Bodies in Machado’s collection, I was fascinated by how the women “fade” as they wear the dresses from the boutique store Glam. It has a very deep meaning, and it isn’t difficult to uncover. I was able to relate the title of the story to the concept of the women “fading”. The message the author is trying to convey is that in this world, society often holds women up to a specific standard, sometimes to the point where women lose their true sense of self. This is shown in the story through dresses. In this story, the dresses sold at the boutique aren’t just pieces of fabric. It has a deeper meaning to it, and it reflects how women are held to a specific standard by society on how they should present themselves to the world. After putting on a dress, the dress remains “sewn on”, and it becomes a new mask that they put on while they lose their true sense of self.

At the end of the story, the narrator appears to have received some sort of awakening after her lover Petra fades. She goes ahead and frees the faded women by cutting apart the sewn clothing. However, to her surprise, the faded women does not want to be free. Upon learning this, I believe that the reason why they don’t want to be freed is simply because they can’t. The women have gotten so used to what society holds them up to that they have completely loss their true sense of self. Even if they are freed, where would they go? Being freed from “fading” does not necessarily mean that they will be free again in the world, society will continue to hold them up to a specific expectation that they will eventually fade again.

This image reflects a woman’s pain deep down behind all the dresses she presents herself with. She is not herself, and society has made her lose herself completely from all of the expectations they hold her up to. The world continues to go about its day and pay no attention to the woman’s pain.