Dear Reader,

I’m very conflicted with the topic of what I will write my conference paper about, due to the requirement of the topic being “small”. However, I’ve come up with a few ideas I’m passionate about that I could maybe narrow down to write a detailed eight-page paper about.

First topic: Jazz. Jazz has always been something I’ve loved listening to in the background. It fills in the silence perfectly and sets the mood so that you can feel calm and at ease. Like the feeling of being in the present. But after reflecting on this topic, I’ve questioned something I never thought of before. Have I really ever listened to Jazz? Or has it just been something to fill in the silence? Lyrical music, on the other hand, has a different meaning to me. Every song holds a specific meaning to me, and a different emotion is invoked for every different song that plays. Different songs bring back specific times of my life and uncover that memory hidden. But what about Jazz? What meaning does it truly hold other than just filling in the silence and rocking me to sleep? In the end, Jazz is life. It doesn’t matter how passionate I am about it, or even if I only use it to fill in the silence, it is still an important tool for me and I rely on it almost every day. I love Jazz. And if this assignment allows me to learn more about something I’ve been exploring for a long time, then I’m all for it. The only problem is, the topic itself is too broad and I won’t be able to fit everything into a eight-page paper. Narrowing it down to specific Jazz artists, or even small subgenres of Jazz could help. Or maybe incorporating culture into it, like distinguishing Harlem Jazz from New Orleans Jazz?

Second topic: Food. Food has always been a big passion of mine. Growing up in Queens, I was surrounded by culture. Different local restaurants to try, and different cultures to explore. A Nepali restaurant is located right beside an Indian restaurant, and the cherry on top is the Mexican food truck in front of them. This shows the cultural melting pot of Queens, something any other place on earth could never achieve. Narrowing it down, I could write a paper about a specific dish either from my culture or my experience navigating other cultures.

I’m still open to discovering new ideas to write about. And these two are just some that I have brainstormed about in class. Maybe I could write about social media, but the important question to keep in mind is, “Is it small enough to fit an eight-page paper?”

Dear Reader,

Preparing for the in-class essay assignment went pretty smoothly. Knowing the prompts beforehand definitely helped, and it allowed me to prepare myself better. One thing I liked about this assignment was how I had the freedom to choose the story and prompt I would like to write about. The setting being in class put a lot of pressure on me, which is good. Hearing the sounds of typing and everyone being focused made me blend in with the environment. I don’t think I would’ve performed the same way being in my bedroom.

One thing that made this assignment different than what I did in high school was that everything was transparent and the subjects I was being tested for were presented to me. The timing was also a lot more lenient, which made me question whether high school testing was really about testing the student’s knowledge, or more on the student’s ability to concentrate and finish the test within the ridiculous timeframe. This made the testing experience go by a lot more smoothly for me, as I felt no pressure on “completing” the assignment, but just enough pressure for me to focus on crafting the best essay. I was able to prepare for my in-class literary assignment by creating an outline of the topics I would like to write about beforehand, which made everything feel a lot more organized at the time of the test.

Participating in the in-class discussion felt pretty disorganized. Something better my group (and the other groups) could’ve done was to establish the order of who speaks, instead of making the conversation go by the flow. I knew that some people had a lot of things they wanted to say, but were afraid to “cut off” someone who was speaking, or just simply not sure how they could insert themselves into the conversation. I also observed certain people speaking only once, and the rest of the conversation was led by just two people in the group. This could have been easily solved if the group had planned how to direct the conversation in a more organized manner in the future, which is also what I believe our group would’ve benefitted from. Other than that, every one put in a great amount of effort preparing for the discussion and engaging in the group discussion. The group discussion prepared me for the in-class essay because hearing everyone’s different opinions and different questions allowed my brain to think outside the box.

Regarding my writing for the future, I hope to get used to writing in environments beyond the classroom setting. I find that I have issues getting started on tasks when I’m in a comfortable environment, such as my home. I hope to find ways to “lock in” and just enter that “hyperfocus” mode more easily alone. For the past essay assignments I’ve written for the class, they were mostly done the day before it was due since the deadline was my only reason for getting started. Crafting the outline for my essays beforehand has always been helpful for me as I always have everything laid out and organized. I will continue crafting outlines and finding new techniques to help me improve my writing skills.

Excerpt From
Her Body and Other Parties
Carmen Maria Machado
This material may be protected by copyright.

Dear Reader,

The story of “Eight Bites” is a somber, complex story that goes over the issue of body image in today’s society, especially for women. The narrator, who appears to be fat, is someone who isn’t happy with their body due to societal expectations. Her mother isn’t the same way as she is, which makes her question why her body is the way it is. She grew up with strict expectations of maintaining a certain body shape, and this is seen through her mother only consuming eight bites which also explains the title of the story. After having a child, Cal, the child appears to be just like her mother. Fat. The narrator went through with the surgery to adjust herself to conform to societal standards and the definition of “pretty”. During this process, the only person who opposes this idea is her daughter, Cal.

The narrator doesn’t seem to be negatively affected by the surgery as much as her daughter. She feels proud of her journey until her daughter calls her and asks whether she hates her body to which she breaks down and hangs up. At this point, her daughter serves as a reminder of her former self and the way she used to view herself. It was truly upsetting for me to read this, as her daughter feels like her body isn’t worth loving after the person who gave her the body started getting surgery to change it. Was it all worth it? Is she truly happy after getting the surgery? She also encounters a ghostly figure in her home, a figure that is described as something in deep pain but hidden from everyone else but her. This figure serves as a reminder to the narrator of her old self, and how it will always follow her no matter what she does to change herself. It symbolizes the narrator’s guilt and regret that follows after the surgery, and that nothing is happiness and “pretty”.

The narrator, in Eight Bites, is someone who may be happy and pretty on the outside, but deep down, she experiences feelings of pain, regret, and guilt. Growing up, she had always been taught to put on a mask and conform to societal standards. It’s clear that there’s only one definition of “pretty”, and that is skinny. She may be a pretty girl on the outside now, but what about that true side of her that remains unresolved? It won’t ever return.

This image reflects a happy “perfect” woman in the mirror, who aligns with all societal expectations. However, deep down, she has some unresolved conflicts with herself. The broken mirror symbolizes how the old her, the true her, will never be able to return.

Dear Reader,

I was always passionate about mental health and taking care of myself. When this assignment was assigned, I immediately knew that I would write my topic about quitting social media.

I never was a social media user until my freshman year of high school. Seeing all those around me on platforms like Instagram or Snapchat made me want to join in on the action. I was tired of being the “odd one” for not having social media, so I decided to blend in with everyone else.

Quarantine came, and I became addicted to TikTok (like every other teenager). Every day was spent scrolling endlessly and every hour that went by felt like five minutes. When I met a friend, she brought up the idea of how social media is harmful to your mental health. Ever since that interaction, it changed me forever. I decided I was going to delete all my social media and start living in the real world, a world without the distractions of screen time and media.

It felt amazing. I was happier. I felt like I was living in the present moment. I wanted everyone else around me to experience this too, but unfortunately, not a lot listened. They were so used to the world of social media that living without it would just mean that they stared at the wall all day and night. Writing this Op-Ed allowed me to express all my strong opinions about deleting social media, and it felt nice to be able to get a topic I’ve been passionate about out to the world and my peers and older adults.

During the workshop, I was surprised that I didn’t receive much criticism for my writing. When I was reviewing my peers’ writings, I found myself giving a lot of critiques which made me feel a little bad. I told myself that it was a good thing and that I was only improving their writing. But it leaves me wondering, is my writing really that good or is it so that my peers don’t want to get too critical?

In the future, I want to make sure that I have a better flow in my essay. When I write, I notice that I usually just type everything that comes out of my head and so everything appears to be just all over the place. Maybe I should try handwriting? Could it be better than typing out your essay in a way that you can think about your topic clearly before putting it on paper?

This image reflects the addictive nature of social media. In a world of social media, everything may appear to be all happiness and perfection whereas entertainment is just a scroll away. To those who are already addicted to social media, what would the world be like if it just disappeared? Will they be able to ever return to the real world where information and entertainment don’t come to you as you wish?

Excerpt From
Her Body and Other Parties
Carmen Maria Machado
This material may be protected by copyright.

Dear Reader,

As I was reading Real Women Have Bodies in Machado’s collection, I was fascinated by how the women “fade” as they wear the dresses from the boutique store Glam. It has a very deep meaning, and it isn’t difficult to uncover. I was able to relate the title of the story to the concept of the women “fading”. The message the author is trying to convey is that in this world, society often holds women up to a specific standard, sometimes to the point where women lose their true sense of self. This is shown in the story through dresses. In this story, the dresses sold at the boutique aren’t just pieces of fabric. It has a deeper meaning to it, and it reflects how women are held to a specific standard by society on how they should present themselves to the world. After putting on a dress, the dress remains “sewn on”, and it becomes a new mask that they put on while they lose their true sense of self.

At the end of the story, the narrator appears to have received some sort of awakening after her lover Petra fades. She goes ahead and frees the faded women by cutting apart the sewn clothing. However, to her surprise, the faded women does not want to be free. Upon learning this, I believe that the reason why they don’t want to be freed is simply because they can’t. The women have gotten so used to what society holds them up to that they have completely loss their true sense of self. Even if they are freed, where would they go? Being freed from “fading” does not necessarily mean that they will be free again in the world, society will continue to hold them up to a specific expectation that they will eventually fade again.

This image reflects a woman’s pain deep down behind all the dresses she presents herself with. She is not herself, and society has made her lose herself completely from all of the expectations they hold her up to. The world continues to go about its day and pay no attention to the woman’s pain.

Dear reader,

While reading “Husband Stitch”, from Her Body and Other Parties, I noticed one thing about this story that stood out from other books. This is one of the most descriptive pieces I have ever read, and the most engaged I’ve ever been with a story. The details of the woman’s sex life allow the readers to engage with the story and draw their attention to it fully. It’s almost like a romance story, except it has a lot of details about sex and it could almost make you picture it however way you want to picture it. The story reminds me of pornographic content, but with a healthier and better way to consume it.

While reading, I have always been curious about what the woman’s “ribbon” symbolizes. As I progressed in the story, I concluded that the ribbon may have some kind of symbolic meaning that relates to security. The ribbon symbolizes something that allows a woman to feel safe while wearing it, almost like a cover a woman puts on to have a sense of security for herself against the cruel world out there. I came to this conclusion, especially after learning that the woman had been sexually abused by her teacher while she was a child. The woman also does not allow her husband nor her child to ever touch the ribbon, showing that it does not matter how close you are to the woman and that the ribbon is something that is a symbol of protection, a sense of security, for the woman herself only, and no one else could get past this boundary.

In this photo, it symbolizes the importance of the “green ribbon” for the woman, giving the woman a sense of security in a world that is filled with cruelty. Although the woman is still part of society, the presence of the green ribbon itself is enough to draw a certain “boundary” between the woman and the world, giving her a sense of security. This is also why she wouldn’t allow her husband and son to touch it, as it is something that only she can have control over.

When I accepted my offer of admission to City College, I made the decision to move to my family’s empty apartment in the Lower East Side in hopes that it’d make my commute easier, and it was also my desire to pursue personal freedom. The idea of “Family is Community” just came to me one morning, when I started missing how my life used to be. I lived with my family in Queens, and it made me realize how much my life changed after I gained my independence. Did it really make me happy? It was at this moment that I realized the true importance of coming home to family.

Writing my essay was relatively easy, because it seemed like the idea just came to me. I noticed that when there is a writing assignment, I can’t just sit down and decide: “I will start to write.” It needs to be the perfect moment, perfect setting, and when my head is in the right place. And one thing is, I need to get as close to the deadline as possible in order to achieve the best outcomes. Maybe it’s the way my brain is wired, or maybe it’s because of my ADHD. However, I always realized that I work better under pressure. And when I’m as close to the deadline possible, it gives me that pressure and my brain becomes “automatic” in a way.

One thing I like about my writing is the straightforwardness of it. I believe I included good sensory details but also kept it simple so that the reader could understand it. The type of style I like too. Simple and straight to the point. Reading things that are complicated, includes words that no one uses in day to day life, and just have that “literature” feel to it makes me lose all my interest. But there is a way to keep a writing interesting without including all of those big words and confusing details. Maybe for a writer, or someone majoring in English, they may disagree with what I say. That’s completely fine with me. But as a Psychology major, I like to just get my point across and tell my story without complicating things. I believe everyone’s writing styles are different, and that’s completely acceptable. This is what I prefer and I will stick with this, as long as I fulfill all the requirements of the rubric and interest the reader, that is all that matters to me.

Overall, I think I am satisfied with my essay. I believe the topic is unique. When people think of “community”, I don’t think the word “Family” usually comes up. They usually think of specific hobbies or interests. Like “Art Community”, “Walking Community”, whatever that comes to mind. Uniqueness is important to me, and I usually try to think outside the box and just something that’s “different” from the rest.

I designed this image using AI. It highlights how conflict occurs in family, and how tomorrow is always a new day. This is an important point that I tried to get across on my essay. Family is the only “community” where you can have conflict, and tomorrow you will be a family all over again. It shows the importance of family, offering unconditional love and support no matter what. No one else other than your own family is able to give you that. It also shows navigating challenges, and how it is okay in a family and how conflict is vital for a family to thrive.

Dear reader,

As I was reading Chapter 6 of Ghostland, it gave me a mysterious vibe. Very spooky and gave me a little bit of a creepy feeling. The author’s writing was able to put me exactly into the setting it was taking place in. It put me in this dark setting, reminding me of a horror movie except I’m reading it. The time period of slavery made the whole story a lot spookier. If there was one word to describe the whole chapter, it’d be “eerie”.

“the ghosts of Shockoe Bottom are overwhelmingly white.”

One thing that caught my attention the most was the black ghosts. If this town in Virginia was one of the biggest slave trade auctions, then how come no black ghosts are to be found? If slaves were the ones being tortured, sold, imprisoned, by the white European settlers, where are they to be found?

“We typically think of ghost stories in terms of the remnants of a terrible tragedy, a past we cannot escape, or a justive unavenged.” (bottom of page 104)

If ghosts were to serve as a symbol of tragedy, a past we cannot escape. Then, how come are the majority of ghosts white settlers? What about the black ghosts of slaves? Have they just been forgotten? Erased from history? What is the purpose of the white ghosts’ presence, and what reminder is there to serve from the ghosts of these settlers?

This is called the Lost Colony of Roanoke. A mystery that still remains unsolved today. This island was settled by English colonists who later disappeared three years later. Chapter 6 of Ghostland reminds me of this story, due to its mysterious background and events that are unable to be solved or explained. The Island of Roanoke is said to be haunted by the ghosts of these lost colonists, and the cause behind the colonists’ disappearance is still unresolved to this day.

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